Aging is supposed to be a privilege, but that idea glazes over the hardships attached to the mid-winter of one’s life. The unfavorable intervention of others, trying to reconcile a weakening body withan ever-youthful spirit— these truths feel more like unfair repercussions than gifts of a life well-lived. When is aging a privilege, and when is it agony? Writer-director Sarah Friedland’s debut feature — and Venice Film Festival 2024 winner —Familiar Touchexplores this question, sensitively depicting the unfamiliarity and surprising beauty of an elderly woman’s journey into a memory care unit in an assisted living facility.
Familiar Touch
Exquisitely played by Tony nominee Kathleen Chalfant, Ruth Goldman is introduced as a classy, dignified octogenarian living in a sun-soaked Southern California house. Drenched in warm woods and marigold accents, her home is brimming with literature, greenery and vibrant produce. Ruth is a retired cook who finds solace in food and recipe development, and the opening scene sees her place a piece of toast on her dish-drying rack before meticulously crafting sandwiches stuffed with lox, pickled onions and fresh dill for a mystery guest. Said guest, a man at least 20 years her junior, says his name is Steve (H. Jon Benjamin), and he brings a lingering sadness to Ruth’s dining room table. Ruth flirts with Steve, who winces as she touches his knee and shoots him bedroom eyes. Several context clues point to the uncomfortable reality: Ruth is no longer in control of her mind and memory, and she has mistaken her own son for a dating prospect.
Not only does this “coming-of-old-age” drama examine the nuances of aging with unflinching honesty, it also humanizes the residents and staff of the Bella Vista assisted living facility. It does so with an admirable slowness — as if honoring the pace of Ruth’s new day-to-day life,Familiar Touchis in no rush to fully unveil its heart or reach some obligatory finish line. Together, Friedland and Chalfant infuse moving vulnerability and refreshing sensuality into the story of an independent woman embarking on a new chapter against her will.
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Ruth’s personal agency and wishes aren’t always honored. It’s a reoccurring theme in her life: Although Ruth seemingly believes it’s an upscale hotel, she’s repulsed when Steve says she chose Bella Vista herself. She’s flabbergasted when he calls her mom, saying, “no, I didn’t want kids; I’m not a mother.” It’s clear that motherhood and assisted living are two choices she was forced to make.
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Perhaps understandably, Ruth’s initial attitude as a Bella Vista resident is slightly pompous. She sternly asserts herself, desperate for the autonomy that’s been stripped from her; appalled when her new caregiver, Vanessa (Carolyn Michelle, in an exquisitely gentle performance), grabs her folded undergarments from a suitcase, Ruth assures her that she’s “not one of those elderly people you have to watch constantly.”
Familiar Touchpaints Ruth as a distinguished lady who values style, art and worldly conversation and doesn’t see herself as an elderly person, let alone one of fragile mind. A standout scene at the film’s half-hour mark shows this, as Ruth tells a resident, “you have a chip clip in your hair.” Indeed, the woman has pinned back her hair with a hot pink snack-bag closure, a touch of levity in an otherwise devastating cognitive decline. Ruth actively separates herself from this behavior — as she said earlier, she’s not one ofthoseelderly people. Of course, her worsening dementia is evident both to viewers and Bella Vista staff members, who witness the time-shifting episodes that take her back to formative periods of her life.
Amidst herbattle with dementia, Ruth’s carnal desires emerge, specifically in the presence of Brian (Andy McQueen), the facility’s Director of Health and Wellness. She relishes the moments when Brian checks her breathing and pulse, and the human contact is simultaneously gentle and electric. Friedland’s scrupulous eye for detail enhances these moments, highlighting Ruth’s euphoria during life’s littlest pleasures, regardless of age. The film is persistent in its rejection of ageist stereotypes and stigmas: While Ruth is preoccupied with the desires of the flesh — something rarely examined in cinema — well-meaning assisted living staff regularly call her “sweetie,” infantilizing this eightysomething woman.
Familiar Touchexamines these intricacies without exploiting its protagonist or shaming her unique processing of her changing body, even when she’s reciting her Borscht recipe to someone. If anything, a stronger emphasis on Ruth’s romantic and sexual drive would have further shaped her identity, challenging outdated ideas about sexuality later in life.
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With an emphasis on patience,Familiar Touchgracefullyspotlights the heartbreakingly mundane routines that come with age while honoring the undying thirst for life that simmers just beneath the protagonist’s stillness. It’s a film that makes space for multiple truths: After being plucked from her cozy home, Ruth sees this new place of residence as anything but an oasis. But her float therapy session in the Bella Vista pool tells a different story. Meanwhile, the murmurs of others struggling to care for their aging loved ones full-time, as they simply cannot afford the luxury of a “geriatric country club,” speaks volumes.
At its core,Familiar Touchis less interested in dramatizing dementia than it is in honoring unique perspectives and experiences, the marvel of human intimacy beyond numbers and the power memory has over every individual. By actively separating individuals from labels, it effectively humanizes both dementia patients and often under-appreciated elder care workers, opening minds and hearts in the process.
Distributed by Music Box Films,Familiar Touchopened in New York on August 23, 2025. It opens in Los Angeles on June 27, with a U.S. expansion to follow.
