Antonio Banderasspouts Machiavelli while his criminal empire crumbles in this scatterbrained action-comedy that never finds its footing.The Clean Up Crewtries your patience with a strained narrative of bumbling thieves, crooked cops, and a quartet of crime scene cleaners embroiled in a ludicrous robbery scheme.The film has a Guy Ritchie feelwith chatty, goofball characters gunning for each other in a bloody barrage of split-screen edits and campy accompanying music.Everything is purposely overdone to a fault.Therein the humor supposedly lies, butThe Clean Up Crewekes out minor chuckles at best.
A Crime Scene Clean Up Crew Keeps the Cash
The Clean-Up Crew
When a crime scene clean up crew (Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Melissa Leo) discovers a briefcase full of money, they must out smart a criminal kingpin (Antonio Banderas) and corrupt FBI agents who want it back.
Spanish gangster Gabriel Barrett (Banderas) has been ruthlessly controlling crime ever since he arrived in Ireland three years prior, and some people are sick of it. The idiotic Danny and Jack are tired of working for Gabriel’s crumbs. The hired street goons decide to steal a case of bribe money instead of handing it off to their crooked Special Crimes Agency Officer. Let’s just say the transaction doesn’t go as planned. The police survey the aftermath but can’t find the loot. The Good Life Cleaners are called in to mop up the bloody crime scene.
Siobhan (Melissa Leo), the company owner, calls in bickering couple Alex (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and Meaghan (Ekaterina Baker) for the early morning job. Meaghan’s been itching to get married for years. She hopes to open a funeral home, a dream that Alex doesn’t share. They’re joined by Charlie (Swen Temmel), a hulking drug addict with an explosive temper who Siobhan keeps on a short leash. This clean up crew dons their red hazmat suits for gory duty but find a big surprise wedged in the chimney.
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Antonio Banderas Is No Machiavelli
The film’s tone becomes obvious from the very beginning, what withBanderas' gleeful overacting. His slick black hair, wiry mustache, and Machiavellian fixation are ridiculously over the top. Gabriel waves his gun theatrically like an orchestral composer, but just doesn’t come off as threatening. The clownish antics continue when his inept minions mock him while also being fearful. These aren’t terrifying killers who are meant to be taken seriously.
The Good Life Cleaners have a similarly weird and kind of cartoonish dynamic. Leo, in a flawless Irish accent, has Siobhan similarly complaining about her employees, adopted children, and general malaise. Alex and Meaghan love each other but can’t seem to get their story straight on a future together. Then there’s the PCP-smoking, drug-addicted Charlie, who inexplicably passes out every time his high fades. They’re a bizarre crew whose loyalties are tested when the stolen money becomes divisive.
Alex and Meaghan see their ill-gotten gains as a winning lottery ticket. Siobhan correctly assumes whoever lost the case will surely come looking for it and put everyone’s lives in danger. How can they not be the prime suspects? Charlie, in a rare moment of clarity, agrees with Alex and Meaghan. He’s all in for the cash and isn’t afraid to fight for it.
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Ridiculous People in Boring Places
Screenwriter Matthew Rogers (The Survivalist,Code Name Banshee) offers zero mystery to the plot. The cleaners, Gabriel’s dimwits, and cops bounce into each other like ping-pong balls inscenes that make no sense whatsoever. Charlie, in a truly bewildering turn of events, is apparently an unstoppable killer with a shady past. He’s armed to the teeth when the situation predictably goes south. Charlie can literally be surrounded by heavily armed killers, have every bullet miss, and wipe them all out without breaking a sweat or reloading.
Meanwhile, Alex isn’t an unbridled psychopath and, gasp, actually has a moral dilemma about mowing down baddies. His back and forth with Charlie among the carnage is meant to be funny but totally misses the mark. Are we supposed to laugh at their apparent invincibility while everyone else is shredded like Swiss cheese?
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The Clean Up Crewhas a confounding editing style that gets old quickly.Prolific director and producer Jon Keyes, known primarily for his cult hitAmerican Nightmare, has made multiple VOD actioners with Rogers and Banderas. His excessive use of split-screen here must have been an attempt to differentiate the film’s look (or further try and crib from Ritchie). This might have worked if all the action hadn’t taken place in a few limited settings. Keyes tries to add sizzle toboring environments we’ve seen before ad nauseam. A warehouse, the forest, and an office do not get more exciting with editing tricks. It makes the film’s low budget achingly apparent.
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Someone Needed to Clean Up This Script
The Clean Up Crewgrasps for straws and comes up lacking. A decent cast can’t get past the labored dialogue, weak plot, and unremarkable action. Pacing also becomes an issue as the film struggles to fill a lean 90 minutes. Fans of Machiavelli’sThe Princemight get a kick out of Banderas' constant harping, but the jokedefinitely runs out of steamfor everyone else. Like that character, the film isn’t as smart as it thinks it is.
The Clean Up Crewis a production of Yale Productions, LB Entertainment, and Highland Myst Entertainment, et al. It will have a VOD release on August 20th from Saban Films and Sony Pictures Home Entertainment. you may rent or buy it on the usual digital platforms, such as Apple TV, Google Play, Fandango at Home, and on Prime Video through the link below:
